air - a poem by Caleb Mangum

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air

With a loud cry, Jesus breathed his last
We rolled the stone
air tight o’er the tomb
put guards on it, walked away, and darkness reigned
there was no heart left to take

me, I’m ok
I’m ok because I keep staying in
mask and Purell and I count all my sins
I wash and keep 6, always track where I’ve been
I’m 32 I won’t ever need an ICU
see money buys hydroxychloroquine

Jesus, breathe,
into me
Ruach that living air like living water…you promised
and…I…won’t forego hope
maybe you’re asleep in a boat
or maybe you hold me afloat
or throw me a rope
and i don’t or i won’t
let go that hope rope
turn NPR off watch wait instead for the holy ghost…

Lord, respirate me
Circulate and ventillate me

the news got worse again today:
my friend miscarried, again, Good Friday
an ambulance came down Parkview Drive and New York passed Italy
I love zoom cuz I see you
Our essential jobs feel like sentences today
Our poor and black wore the virus the hardest, of course
God this thing can’t come to India
we can print more dollars but does that not make things worse?



God excuse our anxieties; this thing hits us all, just differently
thank the nurses and clerks you see
try and scour some immunity
bootstrap some generosity
we’re tired of distancing
don’t say “new normal” again
i get in the car and just screammmmm

for air, it’s getting harder to breathe
where’s the top of this peak?
there’s Lazarus and Elijah and you and…can you really resurrect me?

I’m ok because the thing they say
to fear
the most only takes breath in me if I let it
when I stop to think what death is
I can take heart again cuz he’s conquered that too
covid, diabetes or flu
they’re just moth and rust that accrue

So I’ll sit out by this grave and I’ll wait
It’s you who oxygenates
and gives the heart there is to take
selah



Jesus and the Coronavirus - a poem by Caleb Mangum

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Jesus & the Coronavirus

It all started when the NBA got cancelled
And the college tournament, and my trip to Greensboro, and this business is essential to me, and i miss my friends

It all started when I learned Coronavirus was just its hood name

It all started when I couldn’t turn NPR off and the news never got better and the numbers only got bigger and the time only got longer and I couldn’t keep my eyelid still and that’s real

shortness of breath and i thank God for my friends
It all started when zoom calls felt relieving. i hate zoom. I promise I won’t miss it.

It all started when I couldn’t stop writing in my head. and it all sounded the same. and it all sounded profane. and angry and where’s the hope in you, Christian?

asymptomatic and 3 feet turned to 6 apart and not under cuz the ground couldn’t hold em all

It started when Rudy Gobert got it

It all started when the schools all closed and sometimes the shepherd makes his sheep to lie down, and man i hate lying down

It all started when I learned what my friends really meant to me, that owned businesses, that felt what I feel, when they layed their people off, when they went to curbside only, when they shut their doors, when they asked Uncle Sam their enemy for money their god

It all started when Kobe Bryant died, and Covid wasn’t colloquial yet When my gym closed and for real i stopped caring

When I talked with Mike on Wednesday night and he told me it was just a weird flu and what’s the big deal? and i agreed and let’s make some memes and get back to life

It started when the NBA thing was the most obvious thing ever

Where’s this Jesus come in? My Jesus? Who i’ve always clung to? Or Is Jesus just the proper name I give to my ungrounded optimism?

I can’t think that. I can’t let myself...think that way. This hope I cling to with a capital J is my hospital ship. I’ll go down with this damn thing if i have to.

Man remember basketball?
Chest pain and It all started when my left hand was getting so much better. I’m sick of it now and it’s day like 6. I hate zoom and I miss you.

I feel like i’m gonna wake up one day, like i did when my aunt was dying. I feel like i’ve had to go through more things than i’ve warranted. I wasn’t known for fighting well though screens.

It all started when Italy passed China. What?

I learned something about myself I’d always suspected it was never just business

I’m not capable of just business

it’s why i don’t care about Williams Sonoma or anybody i can’t see who doesn’t even know where Telford is

I guess in some theoretical head-space i woulda said this is possible. Like i woulda said the multiverse is possible. Or the big bang theory or creation or me.

104 fever and uncertainty exhausts me
Jesus never looks hopeless like this.
Guess this virus still shows i have a long way to go. I didn’t ask for that either.

It started when i washed my hands everywhere and showered when i got home and sanitized and changed my clothes and sneezed in my elbow and kept my six feet and did laundry every day, and felt 0% safer and Mary ensured me i was risky and i figured if 100 people in the whole county have it, i must have it too

new confusion Man we long for something better
That mamba mentality, or Jesus, one of the two
i didn’t even call my best lead back today. I’d be insensitive to keep that meeting. cough Yeah there’s joy cough in movement Megan
It all started when I learned how life-sustaining ya’ll were to my humanity

Shelter in place
still we know to take heart; you’ve overcome the world. We know, take heart, you’ve overcome it all